Forever Goodnight

I found a girl laying on the ground

struggling to find a reason

her tears touched the concrete

making darker the black paved street

hint of poison on her lips

she had violet reddish green eyelids

and lost her white wings

surrounding the signs of a spine 

but she was fine

until I took her last breath

with those bare hands of mine

and wrote the goodbye letter in her name

condemning myself to an eternity of blame

 

When I imagined life without her

I didn’t think that someone would suffer

or that her name would even occur

but hearing it after of hers was no longer

made the pain of a loss incredibly sore

the type of pain for taking part

in the most infamous and coward sort

because I was aware but I let her hurt

 

I knew for that insight only pain gives

cause I too often folded onto my knees

wondering if existing had truly a meaning

there I held her in a state of falling

still fighting for mine while her life ended

and so the distress that onto me passed

when I kissed her and whispered:

 

“I wonder if you were my guardian angel

the Lord put you in my way

the same day He called your decay

taking everything I hid in my head

and committing it instead

giving me the right to use your life

as a reason to continue mine

so I’d be bound to this earth

til I find a way to make your sacrifice worth

because there was always an excuse

for treating myself like shit

what’s my excuse now that you died for it?

 

So many nights I tried in vane

while my left cheek drenched in pain

and I can’t seem to determine

whether it is the tears or you

making the stars more shining

If only I could reverse time

and send you my love

and save you, my love

but nothing lasts except art right?

so I wrote you these poems

and closed with a forever goodnight”