Still Well

My reflection in the water was noise

and between inner and outer voice

I could not see a balance because

 

Every presence to me is more than a sound

it repeats in my head like a tape and so does the ache

that makes the shadow in the corner of my eye unbound

and I believe every thought of mine a mistake

 

Trees blocking sunlight are less scary than looking at you

cause I can’t bear to enter in your head and hate myself thence

unconsciously I’m hurting you because I am hurting too

so I found my biggest ambition in my fear of aloneness

 

All I could do was drain every drop of my perceiving

walking away until I fell slowly drowning in my head

into the profundity only limpid stillness is able to cover

a vain source of tears I suffocated for your being dehydrated

that through countless rainy days I kept collecting

at the bottom of the well without clashing the clear surface

on which your own blinding projection allowed me to survive

the rumour of emptiness that became this place

where if you throw any fondness you’ll never feel it dive

 

And I messaged you “I’m still well” but you didn’t care

so I stayed there but there being everywhere

effect of a question trapped in the walls of my mind

cold dark stones that push me deeper and deeper underwater

what if I take the rain

what if somebody calls my name

what if I can’t hold

what if I fall on the price of the world

what if I can’t stop the words from spreading

what if mine don’t have a meaning

what if I don’t answer

what if I am scared to go slower

what if I am not worthy of love

what if I close my eyes and it’s gone

what if I shiver too loud

what if I breathe all the air of this crowd

what if I’m just too aware to be alive

what if we die

 

Forever thinking of catching the last breath that will pacify

the infinite streams preventing you from hearing my voice

how many blurred tragedies there are to shrive

for me to acknowledge tranquillity as a choice

but since individuals are defined according to their bind

what if well wasn’t a place, nothing more than a state of mind?

 

If I could wake my conscience before I completely sink

and finally change the way I think outside this snare

would you wait for me and forget all the times I forsake

before I can turn unquietness into welfare?